so i finally made it out of the mold layden bedding and pillow i had come to truly dislike after 4 days of being extremely ill. the last time i was this sick i was living/working at an eco commune in new zealand but i had chris there to support me. here in this small town i am supported by the kindenss of strangers and new friends. the illness started as a small cough, then moved into days of uncontrollable chills, high fever and weakness . i now only have to deal with diarrhea, which is a huge topic of conversation amongst the westerner travelers, which is why i can freely tell you about my unpleasant condition. like any event here in india, it must be taken in stride and know that it will pass, literally, as everything does. i did go to see a tibetian doctor who checked my pulse at the wrist and from this assessment was able to tell me a detailed description of my current condition as well as my past health history... amazing. i am now taking this black and yellow pills throughout the day that taste like a mixture of bitter herbs, cow droppings, mold, bark and yeast..... so fowl, but they seem to help... more to come on this topic.
feeling very home sick, i almost lost it a few days back and then realized that on top of all this i was experiencing pms... really?
yesterday i did spend some time outside at a temple in kangra. a small town outside dharamshala, where the sun was hot and i culd get away from the cold weather for a bit. i was sitting next to franca, my mothering italian friend, and she looked at me during one point n the trip and said "my dear, it is all ok, you must trust in god, in your faith as a woman and tell yourself, it is all ok" i must have looked green from the hairpin turns on the bus but i just was so settled after she spoke this few words. i looked out the window, watched the monkeys on the side of the road, watched the river churn below the steep majestic cliff, watched the grain fields light up in the patchy sun and just breathed in the fresh air. i sat there thinking when was the last time is surrendered to god. had i ever really surrendered to a higher power, a universal love, god, a goddess, grace? i have had moments of surrender, no doubt, and then i thought about what it would be like to live a life in complete faith to the universe but with two feet planted in the ground. what would that life feel like, look like, taste like? i can tell you it looked like, felt like and tasted like that moment on that bus going to kangra. for about 45 minutes on the bus i felt really connected. aware of the place i was in. open to having to move if needed, change seats, but also just totally in tune with everything around me. as though my body and mind where still, but my eyes and part of my mind where still active, grounded to earth but with heart filled with god.
this feeling i have felt before and it is one worth cultivating each day. it is my intention to just feel god, feel the universe and check in. from my experince here in india, this does not take hours of metal training, meditation, or complicated yoga asanas. most of my revelations have taken place on stinky, crowded, loud, city buses. this simple act of being present amidst action, the foundation of the yoga asanas, makes even more sense as we move through our daily lives, which back home are filled with abundant action and less surrender.
the "mouse pad" i am using at the moment, which is the backcover of an old book ( a living metaphor of reincarnation, in india everything has at least 20 uses beyond its origional purpose) states, "just step at leisure as we all have our own pace and our dance is our harmony"
wishing you all the freedom to dance your own dance, to dwell in your own god and to be at leisure with your thoughts. sending love as always and a huge hug. xoxoxox